THE OUTHOUSE
Genealogy Humor
| I've fallen into my family tree and
I can't get out! *************** I've fallen out of my family tree and I can't get up!! The will you need is in the safe on board the Titanic.
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Old Genealogist never die they just loose their
census ************* I Once came across occupation of deceased as "drunkard"
submitted, needless to say, by his wife!
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OUTHOUSE |
NOTICE: This is an ALTERNATE page for THE OUTHOUSE for those with viewing problems---- for Normal Page- CLICK HERE |
GENEALOGY |
YOU KNOW YOUR A GENEALOGIST WHEN: |
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| When your kids groan if you slow down near a cemetery. | When your favorite pastime is hanging around cemeteries. |
| When you start looking at the graffitti on the outhouse or bathroom walls for surnames!!! | When Santa Claus asks you what you want for Christmas and you give him a list of Death Certificates. HO HO HO....... |
| While viewing
LDS microfilm a few months ago I came across this entry: Jane Pitchfork b. Abt 1680,
married Abraham Broom, Aug 23 1701. (I wonder what they named their children?) |
One of the first jokes I heard about genealogy was about the man who paid a genealogist $500 to look up the family history....then paid him another $1000 to keep quiet about it! | Obits are where people are just dying for you to read about them. What a grave situation! |
| One of my ancestors is listed in various census records as having been born in 3 different states - his mother must have been one confused and traveling lady! | ||
| A young lady once remarked
that her ancestors spent 40 years roaming in the wilderness. Then she explained Thats because the men were too stuborn to stop and ask directions! |
I've heard that if you help someone with their research, you will be admitted to genealogy heaven. May be the close as some people get. | I started researching our family to answer my young son's questions and quickly got hooked. Finding a sitter so that I could go to the library began to occupy much time off. Finally the son complained . When I explained that I was doing it to find out the answers to his questions, he replied, "Well, I didn't want to know THAT much." |
| I looked up my family tree and found out I was a sap! |
Tombstone Humor |
| Another tombstone
reads, "Here lies my wife Here let her lie Now she has peace And so do I |
Found this on the headstone of a grave in an old cemetary: "ANNA PERRY" "The children of Israel wanted bread The Lord gave them manna Parson Perry wanted a wife The Devil gave him Anna" |
| Here lies John B. Cudd, DMD (dentist) filling his last cavity. | GRAVE
MARKER IN CEMETARY IN COVINGTON, VIRGINIA. "I MADE A LOT OF DEALS IN MY LIFETIME
BUT I SURE WENT IN THE HOLE ON THIS ONE"
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| How about the tombstone in Key West, Fl., which reads "I told you I was sick!" | |
| My husband has started calling cemeteries "Ancestor Farms | Cemetery, Benton AR """"A loving husband, caring father and a DAMNED GOOD COON HUNTER"""""""""" |
NAME GAMES |
| My dentist Dr. Chandler had a daughter Crystal. Imagine the response when Crystal Chandler married Robert Lear. She became Crystal Chandler Lear. | I got an uncle named Buck Deaux. |
| My husband has an ancestor named Curtin who married a Ring. Does that make their children curtain rings? | Dilly Johnson marrys Bill Pickle, now she's "Dilly Pickle" |
| He gave a researcher $100 To trace his family tree; Then he gave him $500 To keep quiet his discovery! |
I recently found one in Penn that listed the cause of death as,"old and tired" and one that was listed,"out of breath", and other listed only as, "found in the road." |
| "Yours is the only last name not found amount the 3 billion in the world-famous Mormon archives in Salt Lake City!" | While searching in the 1900 Ms. Census
I found a 50 yr old woman living with her sister and Brother-in- law. Under occupation it
listed "Does as she pleases". Sounds like her brother- in - law didn't care too much for her. |
| The critical link in your family tree - when you finally discover it - is named "Smith". | The 37 volume, sixteen thousand page history of your county of origin ISN"T INDEXED |
GENEALOGY POX WARNING: Very contagious to adults. SYMPTOMS: Continual complaint as to need for names, dates and places. Patient has blank expression and is sometimes deaf to spouse and children. Has no taste for work of any kind except feverishly looking for records at libraries and courthouses. Has compulsion to write letters. Swears at mail carrier when s/he does not leave mail. Frequents strange places such as cemeteries, ruins and remote, desolate country areas. Makes secret calls at night. Hides phone bills. TREATMENT: There is no known cure. Medication is useless. Disease is not fatal, but gets progressively worse. Patient should attend genealogy workshops, subscribe to genealogical magazines, and be given a quiet corner in the house where s/he can be alone with his/her computer. REMARKS: The unusual nature of this disease is.....the sicker the patient gets, the more s/he enjoys it! |
| "Now
when I was a kid back on the farm we all had chores to do." "How old were you when you started doing chores?" "Why, I was just a baby!" "C'mon, now--what kind of chores could you do as a baby?" "I milked." |
Copies of old newspapers have holes which occur only on last names. |
| When my grandson, David, was 3 years old I took him to my brothers grave to plant some flowers. He wanted to know what kind of place this was and when I told him he said "Oh, cemeteries are where dead people live." Can you tell his grandmother is a genealogist? | We've done all the research on your family we can and have found your family tree DOESN'T FORK!! |
| The Land Book you need is the ONLY one burned by General Tarleton when he raided Albemarle County looking for Jefferson and those other "rebels". | Ink fades and paper deteriorates at a rate inversely proportional to the value of the date recorded.! |
| I like the Montana Census which described a settler "Scalped and left for dead by Indians. Hale and hearty now, but hates Indians." | The cheapest way to have your family tree traced is to run for a public office. |
| A man once paid a genealogist a lot of money to search his lineage. The researcher discovered that the man's g. grandfather was the first person to be executed when the electric chair was installed in Sing Sing Prison. Undaunted, the man had the genealogist record that his ancestor once occupied the chair of applied electricity at a leading New York institution. |
| A man's wife had died and he was instructing the undertaker
in funeral plans when he said, "I want her buried face
down." The undertaker said he had heard some strange requests, but this one was the wildest and asked why "face down." The widower replied, "My wife said that if she died first and I ever looked at another woman she was going to dig her way out and haunt me. Bury her face down and let her dig all the way to China." |
| I was doing genealogy long before my children were even thought of so they've seen their share of cemeteries recently when the state of Texas raised the speed limit to 70 I overheard my son say "Great Mom can get to the graveyard faster." | In the 1850 Louisiana census a lot of
the census workers got lazy and only listed the first initial of the first name of the
residents. After a few hours of frustration, working in the dark around my fellow family
researchers, trying to discern who was who in the "Goode" family I finally (I
hoped) found the person who I was looking for and I blurted out loud " Hey everybody... I. P. Goode" |
| I'll see you that Smith and raise you a King, a Howard, a Mills, a Jackson and a White. | Genealogy is the only hobby where dead people can really excite you. |
| My family comes from a small county in SouthEast Alabama, and many generations on my mother and father's sides have lived there. The family of my family tree are very intermarried, making me my own 5th cousin, 6th cousin, and 4th cousin twice removed. At my family reunion this past October, my 12 year old son stated that we don't have a family tree... we have a KUDZU VINE. | ||
OLD SAYINGS We've enjoyed the "OldSayings" on some of the mailing list so I thought I would include some here for others to enjoy. |
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| My Grandpaw Clark always said "You teach children to walk and to walk away." .....not run away to duck responsibilities, ...not taken away by the law....not wisk away by some unscrupulous lover...but to walk away a mature young man or woman. Another Paw Clark saying...."You live, you learn, and then you die." PS: My personal saying that scrolls across my computer screen as a screen saver is ...."I've done so much, with so little, for so long, that I can do almost anything, with nothing, in no time flat." RootsLady@rootslady.com |
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| "Drive it in
the ground and bark at the hole."
This old saying refers to someone talking a subject to death, then shaking some more life into it so he can talk it to death again. |
About 200 genealogist were attending a lecture given by Dr. George Schweitzer, if you ever get a chance to hear him, don't pass it up. He is great. He used the story example of -- Pa was going out to plow the North-40 and he picked up Ole Betsy (his rifle) and said "Ma, I'll be back about supper time, ifen the Creeks don't rise. " (Pa was referring to a rather hostile group of Native Americans - Creek Indians.) Dixie Bennett | |
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How about: 1. "Gotta lick that calf again" 2. "You've gotten enought miles outta that road!" |
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| How about "that dog don't hunt", .....or I don't
believe that. Butter Milk Sky I can remember back during the depression, my grandmother would tell a grocer "now that's higher than a cat's back" If it was getting very cloudy she would say "it's clabbering up to rain". Nancy Bradford Young - Stone Mountain, GA ************* Ever heard the song Jean Fladger
Shanelec *********** "The buzzards layed you and
the sun hatched you." ************ "So poor I wuz gonna paint my rear end white and run with the antelope." "There never was
a cowboy that couldnt be throwed." ************ My husband uses the old time sayings; our sons repeat them; the tradition is kept up; what a shame that so many families don't talk or poo-pooh the old timers Poo-pooh comes from my m-i-law; her
mother said "oh, tut". ************* My husbands family has different names for common item than my family has. For example, the glove box or compartment is called the "knowledge box" My family called the glove box a "car
pocket" most of the time. ************** "Jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs." "Busy as a one-eyed man at a burlesque show." "Ornery as a fried toad." "Madder than an old wet hen." "Dumber than a fencepost." "Slower than molasses in January." "I'd rather be looking for
dead people than have them looking for me!" ************ |
How
bout, "he's chasing rabbit's again", as referring too a fellah who takes off on one subject and
runs the conversation around too about fifteen others. *********** "I feel like I wuz rode hard and
put up wet." ******* Bill (William Ward) ********* At hand is a letter addressed to my name from a genealogy researcher who claims to have traced my family tree. He certainly knows how to get your attention. It begans: "Your Majesty". |
When
I turned 21, I traveled outside of SC for the first time to someplace other than NC or GA.
(They didn't count as TRAVELING because the state line was only about ten miles from my
home!) Anyway, I went off to see Utah. And while there I had the most embarrassing
experience for a 21 year old. I got on an elevator to go up. And there was a very nice
older gentleman who also got on at the same time. Being the gentleman he was, he turned to
me and asked which floor I was going to. So, being from SC, and DEFINITELY surprised by
such a question when I was just going to push the button myself, I blurted out without
thinking "Oh, could you mash 4 for me, please." Well, after he looked at me
really weird (kinda' like I was speaking a foreign language or was from MARS or something)
for about two minutes (and NOT pushing anything), I realized what had popped out by
accident and had to say "I meant could you push 4, please". Man, talk about feeling like I was a country bumpkin that had just fallen off the turnip truck!! When I got back to my roommates, I started talking to them about my 'adventure' and they told me that I did, INDEED, speak a different language. But that they had been able to figure out what I meant most of the time - and thought it was kind of cute. But I did find out that not everybody said: 1) that
you cut on a car, or light; toted a sack; or got table linen like napkins and tablecloths
from a commode! (for a few) :-) **************** You cant fool me. I've been to a few county fairs and a couple of goat ropings. The rodeo's not over till the bull
riders ride (forget the fat lady). |
GOT A CUTE ONE TO ADD??
LEAVE |
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| Perhaps my favorite
old saying and one I use constantly refers to when someone asks you if you want to do
something and you begrudgingly assent by saying: "Well, I can't dance and it's too wet to plow..." Carl Kirton ******** "There never was
a hoss that couldn't be rode." *************** How about "I'm going to jerk a
knot in your tail". That's what my mother and grandmother used to say when a child
was naughty. I even heard Grandma say that to her grown sons who towered over heh. ************** "He's lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut." Karen Parker in Austin, Texas *************** "Grinning like a jackass in a cactus patch." |
Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter This made my dad my son-in-law To complicate the matters worse, My little baby then became For if he was my uncle, Father's wife then had a son, My wife is now my mother's mother If my wife is my grandmother, For now I have become (Author Unknown) |
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| My
grandmother died when I was 10 years old, but I still find myself recalling things she
would say. I guess we never know how much we influence someone's life. One of her favorites: "You won't learn any farther up the creek". Donna Trewitt |
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| "Lord willing and the creek don't rise." How about, "He's like a dog with a bone." Referring to someone who won't let a subject die. Linda |
Has anyone ever heard, "saucered and blowed"? This refers to pouring coffee from the cup into the saucer and blowing on it to get it cool enough to drink, but is now used in the context of having something ready... My grandmother, mother, and now I use this phrase. Joann K. Gordan | Try
as I may back in the second or third grade, I could NOT learn which months had 30 days,
etc. Then, I read this little ditty in the Weekly Reader that we each got in class in
Arkansas: Thirty days hath Septober, From the day I saw that until this day, I have had no more trouble with months! Isn't it scary how my mind works?? Shirley Norman Gunn |
| My
ancestors were all builders, many were carpenters. My Uncle Bill, whenever he cut a joint
in wood working that didn't quite fit as it should, would say "You'd never see that from a galloping
horse". Ray Faircloth |
I can remember making and eating
"clabber".... the raw milk was set out overnight in front of the fire and the
next morning it would have congealed into clabber. A little sugar added made a treat akin
to yogurt. *********** |
(From
1876) "Hiram BABER married a daughter of Jesse BOONE. He was Sheriff of St. Charles Co. one term, and was a reckless, fun-loving sort of a man. He built a brick residence in St. Charles, and carved over the door, in large letters; "ROOT HOG, OR DIE" He moved from St. Charles to Jefferson City, and
became one of the leading men of the state. He made a great deal of money and spent it as
freely as he made it. He would often, in braggadocio, light his pipe with bank bills, to
show how easily he could make money and how little he cared for it." |
"As common as pig
tracks." ************ |
I
recall my grandmother saying: "Now that's too much sugar for a dime!" Meaning something was too much effort for what you would get out of it. B. K. G. ********* Now that I've heard all these old sayings, "I'm as happy as a pig in slop." |
Most of the forgoing were collected at various places on the net' and some that have been sent to me.
NEED MORE TIME??
Catalog #2
I hope it doesn't take too long for the circles to disappear and the blood in your legs to start circulating again!!
So grab a rusty nail and scratch me a note or leave a "cute" one right here on the wall! Please keep it very genealogy or family related (old sayings, odd names, site comments etc.) and KEEP IT CLEAN! I don't like having to scrub the walls in this place. Then the next person availing themselves of our facility can take a gander at it too.
BTW: I just started "collecting" outhouses too! If you find any good ones send em' to me or send me the URL.
If you have something that you would like to see added, please E-Mail me for consideration.
You can leave me a public or private message below. Please leave your genealogy jokes, taglines, stories, outhouse jokes & stories, etc. above.
GenHumor-L |
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Barbara Yancey Dore (aka) RootsLady (E-Mail:RootsLady@rootslady.com) |